Heart Lessons

"When God Breaks You to Heal You"

There's a silence that screams louder than words. That's the kind of silence I found myself in when I went through my divorce. I was 44. After being with the same man for 25 years and married for 20 of them, I never thought I'd be starting over at this point in my life. I never thought I'd be a single woman in her forties trying to figure out who she is without the title "wife." It was a grief I didn't see coming and one I didn't know how to carry.

I was broken. I was confused. I was angry. And I was still trying to obey God.

I had loved Him, served Him, taught His Word, encouraged others, hosted Bible studies, showed up faithfully, and poured out even when I had nothing left to give. And yet, here I was watching my life fall apart in slow motion. I was still praying, still fasting, still showing up. But it felt like none of it was working. It felt like obedience had failed me.

It felt like God had ripped the breath out of my chest and then told me to keep breathing. The pain ran so deep it wasn't just heartbreak; it was identity break. Who was I now? Who was I without him, without the life I had built?

I didn't know how to gather myself. I didn't even know where to start. It felt like the bottom had dropped out, and all I could do was cry and call on Jesus. And let me tell you, I called on Him from a place I had never been before. This wasn't churchy. This wasn't cute. This was raw. This was survival.

And yet, even in all of that, I knew God was still with me. I couldn't feel Him, but I remembered what He said. I held on to every Word like my life depended on it because, honestly, it did.

Journal Entry: I remember one night lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with tears streaming down my face. I whispered, "God… I said yes. I gave You everything. So why does this feel like it's falling apart?" I wasn't trying to be dramatic. I was just being real. "If this is what obedience looks like, I don't know if I can keep saying yes. I'm tired. I'm angry. I feel like I'm drowning in the very thing I gave to You."

I had told other people, "Trust God. His Word works. His plan is perfect." But now, I had to believe those exact words for myself, in the dark, with no backup plan.

That's when I realized: this was the process. Not the pretty part, not the praise break, not the testimony, yet this was the part where the Word had to do what I said it could. This was where restoration began.

What I Had to Unlearn:

1. Pain doesn't mean I missed God. Sometimes it means I'm right where He needs me to be for Him to show up as Healer, not just Helper.

2. Silence doesn't mean God left me. Sometimes, He's just waiting for me to listen differently, not for answers but for alignment.

3. My strength isn't in pretending. My true strength emerged when I finally admitted, "God, I'm not okay." That's when healing started to speak louder than shame.

What Restoration Taught Me: Healing feels like dying because the old you is dying.- God was stripping off layers of identity I built outside of Him so He could restore the real me.- I had to choose not to be bitter, even when I had the receipts.- I had to resist rehearsing the pain and start speaking the promise.- The Word became my lifeline, not just what I preached but what I needed to breathe.

Restoration Reminders: You don't have to feel restored to be in restoration.- God is not punishing you. He's processing you. You're not being left behind. You're being lifted up.- Brokenness is not your identity; it's a season.- Just because you're crying doesn't mean you're not courageous.

Mirror Moments – Pause and Reflect

1. Have you ever gone through a season where obedience didn't make sense, but you knew you couldn't walk away from God?

2. What part of your identity was challenged or shattered during that season?

3. How did your relationship with God shift in the middle of your heartbreak?

Heart Check – Be Honest with Yourself

• Are you still holding onto bitterness that you've disguised as strength?

• What pain have you been rehearsing that you need to release?

• Are you afraid to fully surrender because of what surrender cost you last time?

Let That Go – Release the Weight

Write down what you've been carrying silently: disappointments, fears, unanswered prayers, and give yourself permission to let it go.

Speak out loud: "I release what I cannot control. I receive what God is restoring."

Journal Prompt

Take 10–15 minutes to sit with this question and write out your response:

"God, what are You trying to heal in me that I keep protecting?"

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what you've been hiding behind survival. Let your journal entry be raw. Let it be real. That's where restoration begins.

Scripture to Meditate On

"And [that you may come] to know [practically, through personal experience] the love of Christ which far surpasses [mere] knowledge, that you may be filled up [throughout your being] to all the fullness of God [so that you may have the richest experience of God's presence in your lives, completely filled and flooded with God Himself]."

— Ephesians 3:19 AMP